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With glittery tassels hanging on the walls, fake plastic flowers, fairy lights and complimentary peanuts, crisps and Flumps Wives wants sex Gibbonsville offer at the bar — plus the sense that many of the people here are regulars — the atmosphere is more akin to an Essex knees-up than an orgy. In his twenties, he's just back from travelling around Colombia and has a passion for having sex with girls he meets while couch surfing.

There is a sauna, becintree room and two jacuzzis, along with a of themed "couples rooms" — private spaces with red female silhouettes painted on the doors, containing double beds with thin plastic mattresses. Here, eight Domino's boxes are laid out on a buffet table, containing a selection of deep-base treats, from Hawaiian to Meat Feast.

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Val accidentally brushes against my leg. The dirty cow!

The next day I text Charlie to find out if he had any luck. My granddaughter hates him.

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My daughter and son-in-law told me about it. I come 'ere most nights to get away. This never happens in the Spanish Clubs. Dave and Jane come to swingers' venues like Paradise regularly.

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Lionel Ritchie's "Hello" plays in the background. There are cheers from the second pool.

It's only five minutes from me 'ouse in the car. I head to the sauna, where I find Val and Pam.

The only surprising fact for us, coming from Spain, is that you have to bring your alcoholic drinks. Alice is topless, attractive and the focus of much male attention. Paraxise had boyfriends, but also likes to play with other girls.

You just keep seeing nipples and thinking, 'God, they're good! He won't divorce me. Back in the TV room the porn is still playing, and Sue, in her fifties, is masturbating to climax while being cheered on Fuck Cantonment Florida teen Val, Pam and an assorted crowd of other attendees. This impression is reinforced when the DJ drops Chas n' Dave's "Rabbit" to the obvious delight of everyone there.

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The swingers tuck in hungrily. I didn't know what a blowjob was before, what an orgasm was Here, two large girls in bunny ears and see-through Ann Summers nighties spin round stripper poles.

She's got a list going behind the bar. Still living in the same house, though.

This is what a night in essex's top sex spa is actually like

She was hot. He outlines his strategy for the evening. The SPA is area is very nice. Get 'em frisky, like.

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In fact we repeated our visit the following day!. John Lucas She was hot, man.

Is there a lot of sex here, then? There's a lot becontref fatties in here, but the drunker I get, the better they look.

It's time to go. I ask her why she started coming here in the first place.

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He shrugs. One guy, a cabbie from Romford with a Comic Book Guy ponytail, marshals his wife, a harried, emaciated-looking woman in black pparadise beneath a long shocking-pink string vest, towards one of the bedrooms.

Sweet and naughty kisses. Thanks for your savoir faire, and your sense of humour. Hey, you know that young chick with the boobs in the sauna? Although it is 40 pounds away in taxi from Central London we strongly recommend it.