10 things not to say to your loved one

Stop putting ultimatums, leave the past alone and, finally, forget about the ex.

1. This is all your fault!

Charges will not bring you or your partners. Even if a loved one is really to blame for the situation. Be smarter and do not add fuel to the fire. Better later, when the passions subside, calmly talk and find out who is to blame and what to do.

2. But he/she always did it for me.

Never, remember, never in conversation do not mention the former. Neither good nor evil – nothing at all.

A partner may have a reasonable question: have those relationships ended, if you continue to remember them constantly? Endless comparisons with someone “ideal” (in fact, not) will drive a loved one into complexes and neuroses. And this, in your opinion, love?

If you still want to change the behavior of your partner, try more civilized methods, such as heart-to-heart talk or soft beliefs.

3. I have not heard more stupidity in my life.

If you entered into a relationship consciously, then you probably imagine the intellectual level of a partner. Therefore, you should not scornfully or mockingly speak about his absurd – only in your opinion – ideas and thoughts. It will only lead to the fact that your loved one closes, goes into himself and stops sharing something with you at all.

You can tactfully and delicately indicate to a partner the illogicality of thought, and in response to a joke that you heard in elementary school, you just have to smile. In the end, the man tried as best he could to please you.

4. You can not do anything normally

These things out loud can not be uttered at all. Yes, and about yourself try not to think so. Thank you for trying, praise for your efforts. And if something does not work out – it does not matter, together you will find a way out of the situation and a solution to the problem.

And if you knew in advance that the partner could not cope with the case, why did they charge him? Failure is degrading to both of you.

5. But I warned!

It is generally beyond good and evil.

Do not turn into an evil monster and forget about the existence of this phrase forever. Is it so important for you to show your rightness and to be the one who has the last word? Nothing good will give you this, believe me.

Let your partner make mistakes and learn the right lessons from them. Your task is to support and love, and not to expose and triumph. Smile and tell your loved one that the next time he will surely succeed.

6. If you loved me, you would never …

Putting ultimatums and conditions is humiliating and dishonest. Do not manipulate your loved one and do not put it before a choice: you or something else. Constant pressure on the partner will lead to an explosion. The man kisses and sends you to hell.

Try to find compromises and take into account the desires and needs of the second half. After all, you are pleased when people respect your needs?

7. Do not wear it

It is not easy to reconcile with someone else’s wardrobe.

However, you will have to do this or find ways to mildly influence in order to preserve the relationship. For example, her husband’s worn t-shirt may suddenly disappear from the closet, and a stylish new dress will take its place. It is even easier with women: it’s enough to go shopping with your beloved and give the go-ahead (and money) to buy only what you like.

In any case, always explain your position and strive for compromise. Do not like too short skirts? Let the wife carry them at home or on some one day of the week.

8. My mother did it differently.

This is an option for men. Do not try to blurt out this, especially if the beloved is not in the best mood. Otherwise, you risk hearing advice to collect things and immediately go to live with your mom. This is a dead end version of the development of relations.

This is simply not necessary. It is better to gently teach your wife “mother’s” recipes of dishes or show how you used to iron shirts. That is, as they once stroked mother.

9. In bed, you’re a complete zero.

If yesterday’s passionate lover is exhausted, do not rush to throw angry accusations in your face and demand African passion here and now. Situations are different, and a person could become exhausted at work. It’s nice to take a critical look at yourself. Perhaps you should pull up your body, get rid of a beer belly or buy sexy underwear.

If you initially knew about the low sexual temperament of the second half, do not say that you entered into a relationship with hope and thoughts “appetite comes with eating.” You can try – delicately and unobtrusively – to stir up your loved one and show him new facets of sex. But to force, coerce and insult is the way to break.

10. There are some losers in your family.

Family is holy. Even if the partner does not get tired of throwing mud at his relatives, you are absolutely forbidden to do this. You have become part of a family with difficult relationships, so it’s much smarter and safer to just stick to neutrality. And in any case, do not let yourself be drawn into the undercover games. For you, they will come out sideways, since relatives will support each other in any case. Nothing forces former enemies to rally as a new common enemy.

What to do if you are not satisfied with the relationship

If you cannot build a close relationship for a long time, there may be several reasons. We analyze possible problems and ways to solve them.

On the one hand, relations are something taken for granted, and on the other hand, it is difficult to find truly happy couples who are not building a manipulative, but a sincere and trusting relationship.

If you tried to build relationships and more than three times got a result that does not suit you, then it’s time to go deep: obviously, there is a system error.

What is needed for a harmonious relationship: 4 levels of contact and 8 basic needs

We have three parts: the “inner parent,” the “adult,” and the “child.” The interaction of these parts provides four levels of contact that are necessary for deep relationships.

  1. “Inner Child” is responsible for intimacy, sincerity, contact and creativity. A family without contact at the level of a child, unfortunately, will fall apart.
  2. The “inner parent” is responsible for control, encouragement, security, determining what is right and what is wrong, what is important and what is unimportant. In a good and long relationship, views on these things should mostly coincide.
  3. The “inner adult” is responsible for the plans for the future, the attitude to money: how to spend and earn it. If the “internal adult” spouses do not agree on this issue, it is extremely difficult to maintain the relationship.
  4. The relationship of your “inner parent” and “inner child” of the partner (and vice versa) manifests itself in mutual care for each other.

In other words, the relationship must meet eight basic needs:

  • The need for security: in healthy relationships, we can be as we are without fear of losing love and respect.
  • The need to be valuable and meaningful: we want to be appreciated, cared for and considered worthy.
  • The need to be accepted by a reliable person: in childhood we need acceptance from a strong and protective adult, but, unfortunately, for many this need was not met.
  • The need for a shared experience: to be on the same wavelength with someone, to feel that someone is experiencing the same or experienced before, is an important part of the relationship.
  • The need for self-determination: even being in a relationship, we want to preserve our uniqueness and receive recognition of this uniqueness.
  • The need for influence: in any relationship we want to influence each other. We dream to change someone else’s mindset, behavior, emotional reaction. At the same time, we want to not only influence, but also see the effect of this influence.
  • The need for initiative from another: we want the initiative to communicate not only from us. Any relationship, where one person always takes the first step, ultimately becomes one-sided or even painful.
  • The need to express love: to show a feeling of love and affection for someone who knows us well, respects and accepts, who cares about us.

You may ask, where is the need to be loved? The fact is that when all these needs are met, we feel loved.

There may also be a ninth need, unique. It is yours. Someone has it, someone has none.

How to improve relationships or keep them

Look closely at how evenly the types of contact are distributed and whether all the needs in your relationship are satisfied in both directions. If so, maintain this balance. This is enough to save the relationship.

If the balance is broken, you need to identify weak positions and jointly develop them. Please note that the desire for change should be in each of the partners. If only you have it, nothing will come of it.

  1. Talk to each other, using not only logic, but also emotional intelligence. It is the ability to recognize one’s own and other people’s emotional reactions, to respond to them with the mind and heart.
  2. Develop empathicity – the ability to understand another person and his feelings, to imagine himself in his place.
  3. Do not think out – ask. As experience shows, even after living in a couple for many years, people may not fully understand what is actually happening with a partner, therefore dialogue is very important.
  4. If you have quarreled and you have not been able to resolve this conflict for a long time, or there are questions that cause you to regularly swear for a year or more, contact a specialist. The problem will not disappear by itself, but will go deep and will destroy your relationship like rust.

How to understand that a girl wants to meet you

Sometimes it is very difficult to understand whether a girl likes you or not, is it worth her to go and meet her or not? Here are a few signs, assessing which, you can don, do you have a chance or not.

Pay attention to non-verbal cues

You may have already seen this list. Do not rush to close the article, because psychologists conducted a study and proved that it is very likely that a girl liked someone.

Below is a list of 12 signs. It is not necessary to try to find everything, however, the more of them you see in a girl, the more likely she is to like you.

So, the girl likes you if she:

  • Smiles at you.
  • Throws short glances at you.
  • Looks away when you look at her.
  • Looks into your eyes for a long time.
  • Fingers over his hair.
  • Licking lips.
  • Shows the neck.
  • Leans your head in your direction.
  • He turns to you, sitting on a chair.
  • Touch your arm or shoulder.
  • Laughs when you speak.
  • Strokes some object in his hands.

The main signals of interest are smile, eye contact, quick glances at you and to the side.

Consider them in context

Do not think that noticing one of these signs in relation to you, you can grab the girl and carry on a date. It is necessary to take into account the context and how this girl behaves in other situations.

If a bank employee smiles at you, it means that she is polite with visitors, and not falling in love with you. Now, if you see a few more signs unusual for the behavior of a bank employee, then you should think about it.

Do not rely on just one signal

If you notice some kind of signal, it does not mean that the girl is ready to marry you. She just thinks you are attractive and don’t mind if you take the first step. This may be a conversation, an invitation to dance or a cup of coffee.

Ask her phone number and invite for a date. During the conversation, you know each other better. If she likes you, she will continue to give non-verbal signals. And let him know that he is not against a second date, perhaps even in plain text.

If it goes well, you will notice further signals. For example, if a girl sits closer to you, she is not against some kind of physical contact. Most likely, she will not be offended if you take her hand or kiss her at the end of the date.

How to understand that girl is not interested in you

Women also send non-verbal signals when they do not like a man. For example, if during a conversation she does not look into your eyes, turns away, yawns, or starts talking to someone else. Do not think that she is pretending to be inaccessible. She just does not want to communicate with you.

What to do when you doubt

When you notice signals from a girl, but still doubt, invite her on a date. Let it be something not too serious, like a cup of coffee. If she agrees, everything is clear.

If she refuses, then most likely she does not want to get to know you. Of course, she may have plans for the evening, but if you really like her, she will either change her plans or offer another time for a date.

You can ask again in a couple of weeks if you like it a lot. But if she says no again, no longer insist.

What girls love most about guys

For many guys, girls seem mysterious and incomprehensible. Often the guys, trying to please the girl, begin to do something that makes them look very stupid and only discourage the desire to meet.

How do you like the girl? To do this, you need to know what they like most about the guys. Let’s see!

Girls like beautiful guys

As you know, the first thing that everyone pays attention to is appearance. It is not necessary to be gollevudskim handsome, but you need to take care of yourself.

Even if you think that appearance is not your forte, make an effort to look neat. Neat hairstyle, trimmed nails, neat clothes and pleasant aroma are available to every man. Do not neglect all eim.

Girls like strong guys

Whatever one may say, the craving for strong guys is laid in girls by nature. Every girl wants her chosen one to be strong. However, do not forget that the force is different: physical, mental, moral.

Girls like successful guys

The desire for successful guys is also due to nature. Girls love successful guys. Many associate success with money, which is close to the truth. This does not mean that all girls only want money, it means that it is important for girls that the guy know how to achieve something in life.

It is worth remembering that success can be not only material. Successful can be a man who knows how to set clear goals and achieve them.

Girls like brave guys

Courage is necessary for meeting a girl. Naturally, they appreciate and love brave guys. If you have problems with courage, work on yourself.

Girls like confident guys

This item directly follows from the previous one. Self-confidence is perhaps the most important trait that girls in boys love. Self-confident guys have the most chances to meet a beautiful girl.

Girls feel the inner confidence of a guy and adopt it. For such a person, they themselves feel confident and comfortable.

How to find a girlfriend?

Work on yourself, develop and you will surely meet the one with which you will love each other. The main thing to remember is that it is useless to look for a girl. She herself will find you when you are ready for it.

How to keep relationships at a distance?

Distance relationships are very complex. Particularly difficult to endure separation when you live together for a long time and are used to each other. Let’s see why this is so hard and how to endure it without destroying relationships.

What is the complexity of such a relationship

There can be a lot of problems, here are the main ones that arise most often.

Lack of attention

When you are close, you can hug each other, kiss at any moment. You have the opportunity to support your loved one in a difficult situation and share with him joyful moments.

Separation deprives you of all these opportunities. This can cause jealousy, which will lead to quarrels and offenses.

Sexual dissatisfaction

Each has a different libido. Someone needs sex every day, someone needs once a month. In any case, the couple has already established the pace of sexual relations.

When you and your soulmate are far away from each other, the sexual attraction does not disappear anywhere, but there is no more possibility to satisfy this desire. Obviously, this can cause conflicts and quarrels.

Ambient pressure

When everyone is spending time with their lovers around and discussing a relationship, and you are deprived of such an opportunity, it is very easy to get depressed.

How to keep relationships at a distance

Although half of the relationship at a distance ends in parting, there are several ways to keep them.

Take care of each other

Once again, do not irritate your partner and do not give him a reason for jealousy or resentment. If you have a conflict, you can not immediately hug your loved one and ask for forgiveness, so be careful when communicating.

Maintain intimacy

If you do not have live communication, this does not mean that you do not need to share news and experiences. A person should feel an important part of your life, so do not skimp on stories about how the day went, what was interesting, etc.

The main thing is not to overdo it. You do not need to report on every minute, you need to maintain the feeling of closeness as much as possible.

Respect partner’s feelings

Most likely one of you will experience separation more difficult than the other. If your spouse is suffering more than you, do not discount her feelings. Needless to say, too little time has passed to start missing you.

Accept and understand the feelings of a partner. Try to make it as easy as possible for him.

Communicate in different ways

Text messages and emoticons can hardly convey your feelings. Combine chatting with calls and video calls. For example, you should not try to resolve the conflict in the chat, it should be done with the closest contact possible.

Spend holidays together

During periods when everyone gathers around families, discuss plans for the weekend and share their joy with loved ones, your longing for a loved one can become incredibly strong. Try to find an opportunity to meet your soul mate on such days.

Trust each other

Trust is important for any relationship. No need to give free rein to destructive emotions. If you have a distrust of a partner, consider whether it has a real basis. If not, try to drop these thoughts.

Discuss sex life

Everyone treats sex differently. For some, a small relationship on the side is acceptable, but someone is totally against it. In any case, agree in advance on how you will have a sex life during separation.

Adequately assess the situation

If you find out that your partner went with someone else to a cinema or restaurant, and you are hurt, you should talk to him about it. Perhaps it was only an attempt to compensate for the lack of attention, and maybe a new love for your partner.

You need to sensibly assess the prospects in this case. Perhaps there are still options to save this relationship, and maybe such that it is better to let the person go so as not to aggravate the situation.

6 things you should not change in yourself for the sake of a partner

Relationships should bring you joy. If it is not there, then something went wrong. There may be many reasons for this, but often the reason is that you are trying not to be yourself.

We have collected 6 things for you, trying to change which, you risk to destroy your relationship.

  1. Your connections with family and friends

Relationships with family and friends were built much longer relationships with a partner. In the end, friends and relatives are also close friends and it is wrong to sacrifice them for a partner.

If your half makes stinging jokes about your parents or forcing you to give up friendship with someone, then you shouldn’t go on about. Sit down and talk, explain that you do not intend to sacrifice relationships with other close people.

  1. Your shortcomings

Each of us has its drawbacks. There are no ideal people, so sooner or later your partner will face your weaknesses, just like you and his.

f the partner refuses to recognize your minor shortcomings, then this can lead to tragic consequences. You need to take such trifles for granted and come to terms with them.

  1. Values

The main essence of the relationship is that you accept each other as you are. If your ideas about life, family and other important meetings do not converge, then you need to either discuss them and come to an agreement, or not build a relationship.

Trying to break down your beliefs to please a partner is the wrong approach. You will not be able to live for a long time against your convictions, and as a result, in addition to parting, you also get the unpleasant feeling that you have betrayed yourself.

  1. Life goals

You probably have global goals that you want to achieve in life. They are in each person, while they are all different. Someone wants to build a career, someone wants to have children and so on.

At the very beginning of the relationship it is worth clarifying that your life goals coincide with your partner. If you want fundamentally different, then most likely the relationship will bring you only discomfort and disappointment. You and your other half should support each other and not move in different directions.

  1. Qualities that make you special

It is again about making a person as he is. Each of us has our strengths, advantages, qualities, for which we are valued and loved. Someone is light on the rise and can break into a journey at any moment, someone on the contrary carefully plans his every step.

If your partner starts trying to “fix” something in you, this is an alarming sign. Relationships should be built on each other’s support and support, and not on fitting a person to one another.

  1. Your passion

Often we hear and face a situation when the wife does not allow her husband to watch football or the husband does not let his wife go shopping with her friends. In fact, this is a very bad trend in the relationship.

Our hobbies not only make us happy, but also make us more attractive. People who spend time on what they like are charged with energy that appeals to the other half.

Do not deify the partner and give up their interests in order to spend time with him. This person may be the most important thing in your life, but he should not be the only one.